Eating Habits: Observations by Middle Earth's Only Dwobbit
by Venra
Summary: Eating is Very Important to Prince Frerin, the world's only Dwobbit and son of King Thorin and his Consort Bilbo. He loves it! Almost as much as he loves his family. One day Frerin notices that Adad doesn't eat the same amount as he and Papa. It makes him wonder, and with all the curiosity of a Dwobbit toddler Frerin decides that he will get to the bottom of the mystery of eating!
1. Chapter 1

Frerin II was the most beloved babe in Erebor.

It was not just because he was the son of King Thorin Oakenshield, reclaimer of Erebor and defeater of Azog the pale Orc. Nor was it just because he was also the son of Bilbo Baggins, Consort to the King, Burglar of the Company, Barrel Rider, Banisher of Smaug, and Bravest Little Hobbit. Nor was it because Mahal gifted Frerin to his parents when they would otherwise be unable to conceive. No, though all of those aspects were large parts of why Frerin was respected and admired... they were not the only reasons why the people of Erebor loved him.

Frerin was a Dwobbit, though do not mention that name to Bilbo or Thorin who still regret letting Kíli and Fíli coin the term before Frerin's birth. He was half Hobbit and half Dwarf, a blend of two species in many ways dissimilar and yet somehow attributes of each race came together in Frerin in such a complimentary and agreeable way it was wonder why Dwarrow and Hobbits did not think to breed before.

Firstly, physically Frerin was not quite like either race. He had larger feet than the average Dwarf and while they were indeed covered in copious amounts of fur he did not quite have the advantages that most Hobbits had in terms of the durability of his feet. While it was true that Frerin refused to wear shoes 95% of the time, sometimes when it snowed and his family went to Dale he had to cover his feet in lamb's wool to prevent chill.

Not that he was walking too much yet, at three years old Frerin is only in the beginning months of being able to walk and therefore usually falls on his bottom before making much real progress. As a blend of Thorin and Bilbo it is unsure when Frerin will hit certain milestones in his growth. So far he has struck a balance right in between Dwarrow and Hobbit timelines of maturation. Slower than a normal faunt, but much faster than the usual Dwarfling. While his parents try not to rely on this estimation, both fathers are relieved that their little boy is as normal as Dwobbit carved from stone can be.

One thing that Frerin excels in is that he is much closer to Fauntlings in terms of his mental capacity. He can already talk twice the amount Dwarflings his age would be able to. He delights in babbling in baby talk at his parents, sometimes using real words in either Khuzdul or Westron, sometimes in a language of his own design. His parents never fail to pay him very close attention when he's speaking and he delights in making the people around him smile, laughing and clapping his hands when people reply to him as if he's making any sense.

But in the end what makes Frerin so beloved is mostly his temperament. While Dwarflings are known to be quite fussy, often crying long into the night with colicky abandon, Frerin can be quieted down when his needs are attended to with little guessing about what is the matter. He is also shockingly polite for a toddler, he already has his "pleases" and "thank yous" drilled into his manners from a persistent Bilbo. This in combination with his vivacious attitude endears him to Dwarrow, Men, Hobbits, and Elves alike and there are few who are able to withstand the charms of the youngest Prince of Erebor.

* * *

"It is a good thing that it is nearly impossible to spoil a faunt," Gandalf once said on a visit to the mountain. He was a big tall man with a long grey beard who had a hat Frerin liked to play with. "Or else Frerin would be the brattiest Dwobbit to ever exist."

"You have met Lobelia, haven't you? It is certainly not impossible to be a spoiled Hobbit," Bilbo replied taking a long drag from his pipe while Frerin gnawed on a teaser at his feet.

"'m a Dwobbit," Frerin inputted helpfully.

* * *

Indeed, with large blue eyes, black wavy hair, and a slightly smaller frame Frerin was too adorable to not lavish with attention and gifts. He could very easily have been spoiled if he were anyone else. He never wanted for babysitters as any member of the Company would gladly offer up their services to the royal couple when they were unable to care for their son. Not that Bilbo and Thorin wanted much time away from Frerin. Even three years after Frerin's birth they still thanked Mahal for his gift multiple times every day.

* * *

"Stop trying to steal my son, sister," Thorin grumped one day while Dís had Frerin bouncing on her knee while Fíli and Kíli made faces at their cousin.

"Nonsense, you got to take care of these two when they were Dwarflings. I just want time with my nephew!" Dís glared at her older brother.

"Your sons were menaces," Thorin retorted.

"Hey!" Fíli and Kíli objected in unison.

* * *

Indeed, whether it was kin, guards, citizens, or even visiting Men and Elves, Frerin had everyone under his thrall. This was very useful for the growing boy since one of the things he inherited from Bilbo was his ability to watch people without the subject of his observation realizing it. Frerin dissected everyone around him- it's what allowed him to learn so quickly. Though he was just a toddler Frerin's views on life were beginning to form, where he fit in the world was becoming clearer to him and although it was still very complicated Frerin learned something new every day. But mostly he was just concerned with what he could fit in his mouth.

* * *

If there is one thing Frerin knows in this world it's that eating is important. So important! Food should be the priority in everyone's life. Sometimes he wakes up crying and he is SO upset and he doesn't even know WHY but then Papa or Adad comes into his room and gives him a bottle of milk which is SO tasty and makes him stop crying and he falls asleep again.

Now that he's a big boy who can sit up and chew he's even allowed to have tastier food! Adad cuts some soft meats or bread into tiny tiny pieces and lets him chew on it until he can swallow it. Real food is the best even though apple sauce is pretty great and he still likes soft foods but every time he tries a new food it's always very tasty and Frerin doesn't think he'll ever try a food he won't like.

"My goodness, you never have to trick him to eat?" His Irak'amad asks his Adad while Adad is feeding him some tasty scones covered in strawberry jam.

"Never, if it's food time he's ready to eat, nothing like when Fíli and Kíli were young," Adad says while Frerin grabs another piece of pastry.

"Well he doesn't get that from you," Irak'amad Dís replies. Frerin really likes jam, he's glad he doesn't really remember what life was like before jam.

"How would you know? I'm older than you!" Adad frowns, wiping some jam from the sides of Frerin's mouth. Eating was messy! It was worth it though, and he never really cared when some food didn't make it to his mouth the way his parents did.

"Amad told me."  
"Sigin'amad!" Frerin chirps. He was smart! He knows that Adad and Irak'amad's mother was HIS Sigin'amad. Just like how Papa's Mum and Dad were HIS Grandma and Grandpa. He'd never met any of them, apparently they weren't around, but they were still his!

"Yes, Irakdashat, your Sigin'amad told me," irak'amad smiles before turning back to Adad. "She would have loved him."

* * *

No, eating was the best! But the older Frerin got the more he noticed different types of people ate differently. Normally he was only concerned about getting food at any and all costs, but somewhere along the way he began noticing that even his own family ate differently!

For example, Papa always had six meals a day, sometimes even seven if he was still hungry after dinner or Adad was late and had to have supper instead. Usually every two hours there was SOMETHING to eat and on the days that Papa was too busy to eat much made him very grumpy indeed! When Ori and Dwalin took care of Frerin they had to ask him what time he should eat because although they knew Bilbo fed him frequently they weren't quite sure when the formal food times were.

* * *

"Owi!" Frerin had to cry one day. "Ewevensies pwease!"  
"Oh!" The now-married scribe looked up from a book, as far as Frerin could tell Ori was always looking at books. For what reason? He didn't know, they must be fun though to distract someone from food.

"And what do you eat during elevensies?" Ori asked scooping him up and bringing him to his home's kitchen where there was a picnic basket that Bilbo had prepared for Frerin's babysitters.

"Cawwots!" Frerin shouted happily. Carrots! With a yogurt for dipping.

"Oh, hmmm." Ori mused, "those are vegetables, aren't they? Well, I supposed if you like them. Hobbits probably need more vegetables besides potatoes."

* * *

But he wasn't a Hobbit! Papa was a Hobbit- all Frerin knew was that he was a Dwobbit, the only one! He was "oon-neek" which meant there was no one else like him and he was special! But people usually said he ate like his Papa, which led to Frerin observing how his Adad ate.

At first, Frerin assumed that his Adad was having his extra meals when he was at work as the King. The King is supposed to be very important so of course he should have all of his meals! After all, Frerin and Papa were very well fed. In one day they would have fish, mushrooms, cake, fruit, cheese, AND apple sauce! Papa cooked a lot but he was also able to get things from Bombur who was a big Dwarf with a LOT of kids some of who were even young enough to play with Frerin sometimes! Bombur didn't seem to care much about what time he ate and instead ate most of the time. Maybe that's what confused Frerin? He thought all Dwarrow could eat like Bombur but instead he was slowly discovering the truth!

* * *

It was a minor holiday weekend which meant that Thorin was allowed to stay at home. No extra responsibilities because no one else was working either. This meant he could stay with his family and bask in the glow of domestic bliss. It was just after nine in the morning and rather than partake in Second Breakfast since he was still full from Breakfast and knew Elevensies was imminent anyways he decided to abstain from eating and instead nurse his coffee at the dining table while Frerin and Bilbo had a snack consisting of cream and fruit.

Bilbo and Thorin were having a lovely conversation about the flowers they would plant together next weekend in Bilbo's terrace garden when Frerin slammed his hands on the table as loudly as a little Dwobbit sitting in a specially made booster seat could.

"Frerin, what-" Bilbo started but was cut off by their son.

"Adad, eat!" Frerin demanded, scrunching up his face in a way that usually only happened when he was about to poop.

"Me?" Thorin questioned, truly puzzled at his son's outburst. He rarely had anything to eat in between the larger meals, even when he managed to sneak away from the throne during slower days to sit with Bilbo during his meals for company. The most he would do was to pick at whatever Bilbo had just to taste it.

"Hungry!" Frerin insisted.

"No, Khajimel, I am not hungry." Thorin hoped he understood what his son was implying.

"Buh-" Frerin protested with one of his favourite words. But, or "buh," always came out when Frerin thought he knew better. Thorin told Bilbo Frerin had learned it from the Hobbit.

"No buh, Adad has his coffee, sweetling." Bilbo took another spoonful of fruit and Frerin just looked confused at his food before accepting a spoon from Thorin.

* * *

Adad hadn't eaten second-breakfast and that just wasn't right! Adad had eaten a LOT at breakfast! More than Papa! But now he wasn't hungry? When Frerin thought really really hard back, he only remembers Adad eating every other meal when he was with Papa and Frerin! He always ate breakfast, lunch, dinner, and usually had dessert or a pre-bedtime snack but he was still missing four meals. Wasn't he hungry? Frerin knew he was hungry whenever a meal time came around, and so was Papa! He could tell Papa would become short with people if he hadn't eaten in awhile, just like Frerin! He wouldn't cry as much- but sometimes he did! Maybe it was only a Hobbit and Dwobbit thing.

Dwarrow did eat quite a bit but not as often as Hobbits and Dwobbits. The more Frerin thought about it, besides Bombur none of the Dwarrow were like Frerin and Bilbo! Not Fee and Kee! Though they ate a lot too, Irak'amad would say that they were "eating their fourteenths of the treasure." Whatever that meant… but maybe they ate like Adad? Frerin couldn't help but wonder about the other people who wandered in and out of the mountain. The other Dwarrow, the Men.. the occasional Elf. Did none of them eat they way he and Papa ate? Did they not know joy? Frerin knew he would have to learn more about the people around him and he knew just the way to do it!

After Second Breakfast Frerin toddled over to his play desk and sat down with some scroll and the coloured wax sticks Bofur called "crayons" and began his new journal, just like he saw Papa write in most nights after dinner. On the top of the scroll he wrote:

" The Eating Habits Of the People Of Middle Earth:

Observations by Middle Earth's Only Dwobbit, Prince Frerin"

"Oh darling, are you drawing a bear?" Papa asked as he looked over Frerin's shoulder. Ok, so maybe he couldn't write yet.. or even draw beyond scribbling.. but it was his journal! It was the way he was going to crack the case of how other people ate. Truly the most noble of endeavours for Frerin, Youngest Prince Under the Mountain.  
"That is a ferocious bear, Khajimel," Adad agreed. One day his parents would understand.

* * *

Fortunately Frerin had the best opportunity ever to observe the eating habits of a whole buncha different people! Adad and Papa were hosting a deep-low-matic feast and inviting over Men and Elves! He knew Men, sort of. Bard was around every so often and he had children who were Big Kids and liked to play with him even though they were so tall! He doesn't remember how they ate though because he was just a baby during previous visits and a baby's only job was to eat! And sleep.. and poop. But now he would know better! How would they eat? He knew they were different, they were much taller, does that mean they had to eat more? But Papa ate more than some Dwarrow, so maybe they ate less.

He didn't really know Elves. He knew Adad didn't like them, that Papa seemed to like some Elves more than others but was always Very Polite to them. Kíli and Fíli had a friend who was an elf but he had never met her. They didn't come around the mountain a lot, Balin said once that that's where a lot of the veggies he ate came from so they MUST be different, since Dwarrow didn't like that many vegetables that weren't starchy.

Oh! Frerin knew that they had pointy ears, but not pointy ears like him and Papa. Adad would say that he and Papa had "perfect slightly pointy ears" while Elves were "knife-eared bastards" and then Papa would smack Adad for some reason. He also knew that they were tall, taller than Dwarrow anyways because Dwalin said that they look down on him! Dwalin was the tallest Dwarf EVER so obviously Elves had to be pretty tall. Sometimes Elves would show up in the stories that Papa read him, but Adad would tell him how it was all made up.

* * *

Either way the mountain was very noisy today and Frerin had barely seen his Papa or Adad all day which made him cry a few times because even when they were home they were rushing around and not paying him any attention. It was one of the rare times that Oin was taking care of him and although Frerin was well fed and warm and his nappy was always changed, Oin didn't react properly when Frerin talked to him! He had this thing he stuck in his ear but it still didn't help. How hard was it to understand that "pawaple" meant that he wanted his purple horse stuffie? Either way today Frerin is all alone playing in his toy box feeling quite sorry for himself since he didn't even get to cuddle with his parents.

Sometime after lunch Bilbo sped into the royal quarters in a flurry. Papa! Papa was here! But then he was talking very quickly and Frerin couldn't understand (and neither could Oin by the look on his face) and then he was leaving again! Frerin couldn't help it but burst out crying, his face quickly becoming red with distress and his nose becoming snotty. He stood up and tried to chase after his Papa but it seemed the fast he went the less coordinated his toddler legs became and he fell multiple times on his bottom.

As if startled from his thoughts, Bilbo immediately whipped around to face his son, scooping him up and holding him tightly as the little Dwobbit sobbed pathetically into his father's neck.

"P-papa n-no leaaaaaave!" Wailed Frerin.

"Oh shh-shh- It's alright Oin," Bilbo waived to the older Dwarf who stood once Frerin started crying. "Shhhh little one, Papa's here."

"B-b-but you're going bye!" Frerin hiccupped and coughed trying to get his words out, but knowing he needed to if he were to keep his Papa with him.

"Not forever sweetling! Oh my precious stone, Papa and Daddy are just busy planning the feast today." Bilbo bounced Frerin lightly in his arms, cooing and stroking his back in attempt to soothe the bereft Dwobbit.

"Feast no," Frerin said morosely while snuffling. His tantrums were always short-lived, it seemed that like Hobbits being in a bad mood was more exhausting than it was worth.

"We have to my love," Bilbo spoke gently into his ear. "There's going to be a big dinner! The biggest you have ever seen!"  
"But Frerin no!" Frerin teared up again. They were going to have so much food without him!

"Not at all my darling," Bilbo assured. "In fact, Dori is going to be here soon to get you ready! It's actually very important day for you because you are going to be presented to our allies!"

Frerin was skeptical. Whenever Dori got him ready for things he had to wear lots and lots of clothes- but he also got to wear pretty shiny jewels so it wasn't all that bad.

"And…" Bilbo smiled and looked at his son in the eyes, "you will get to go to the feast and eat lots and lots of yummy foods!"

Frerin was wide eyed. Feasts were Big Deals. Papa would talk about the festivals they would have in Hobbiton where everyone would bring dishes to the Party Tree and there was so much choice. Adad would talk about feasts and about how many people were there were and how ALL of them ate until their bellies got big and had be rolled home! Still, Frerin was suspicious.

"Yummy foods?" Frerin asks to which Bilbo nodded in response. "Wi' Papa AND Adad?" Again, Bilbo nodded.

"Yes, sweets. We just need to finish up preparing for our guests, I need you to be good for Oin and Dori- if you are you can have all the food you want while sitting next to Adad and me!" Frerin sniffed and rubbed his eyes of the last of his tantrum while looking at his Papa who he loved and trusted so much before giving in.

"Otay."

* * *

A/N:

Adad= Father  
Irak'amad= Aunt  
Khajimel= Gift of All Gifts  
Ghivashel= Treasure of Treasures  
-

Whoo! So, this is a long hiatus from the last of these and this one! I always wanted to add to this, I just didn't have any ideas. I was looking at fluffy Thilbo art and got inspired! I decided writing sorta from a kid's perspective would be fun... but I switch POVs a lot so I hope it's not too confusing.


	2. Chapter 2

The rest of the day seemed to go by quickly once Dori arrived. Dori was fussy, but he was one of Frerin's best babysitters because he always knew exactly what to do and was very good with children. The only time Dori was a boring babysitter was when Mr. Balin came by and they made heart-eyes at each other. Either way he could usually distract Frerin enough that boring routines like washing up and getting dressed in formal clothing were managed with minimal fuss.

"There, now don't you look nice your highness?" Dori asked as he placed Frerin in front of a mirror. The young Prince was dressed in grey-green robes accented with white gold as a compliment to the traditional palettes of both Thorin's blue and silver and Bilbo's green and red. Not that they always wore those colours, but today's feast was a bit of a throwback to the Battle of the Five Armies. On his ankles and wrists he wore light bangles which were large enough that even if Frerin teethed on them he could not swallow them. On his head he wore a thin diadem that worked its way around his head in a series of up and down angles until meeting and suspending a diamond between the two sides at the center of his forehead. Frerin liked it because it was shiny! Adad got to wear crowns ALL the time and Papa wore one sometimes but Frerin never had one of his own before. It was light and was secure on his head so he could still look around. Dori said Adad made it for him extra special! Frerin loved his Adad very much.

"Now your highness, I am going to be bringing you to your parents very soon," Dori said while fussing with some details of the Prince's attire. "You must be very good tonight."  
"I'll be good!" Frerin promised. He would be! If he cried too much Papa and Adad would immediately have Dori or someone put him to bed and he didn't want that. He wanted to spend time with his parents after not seeing them today, so he'd be on his very best behaviour.

As Dori carried him through the halls he stared at all the people. There were guards ahead of them clearing the way and even more guards behind them following. Frerin was used to seeing guards when he left home. Adad said they were there to protect Frerin while Papa said they were "overkill." Either way even as the guards moved them swiftly through the mountain Frerin could tell there were a lot more people bustling in the halls than usual. They also turned to stare at him as he passed but Frerin didn't mind because he was staring at them too.

Soon enough they entered a small room he knew to be near the throne room (which was where Adad did important work) and sure enough there was his parents!  
"Papa!" Frerin screeched. "Adad!" Dori quickly passed Frerin off to his Dwarf father who nuzzled his little boy while Dori updated Bilbo on Frerin's mood and goings on. Satisfied, Dori was dismissed to allow the family some privacy for a few minutes.

"Khajimel, were you good today?" Thorin asked after rubbing his beard all over Frerin's face. Frerin always giggled when his Adad did that. He loved the feeling!

"I..Hmm.." The toddler paused. "I.. was sad!"

"Oh Frerin, whatever happened?" Thorin frowned deeply, brushing a finger gently along his son's cheek as though to wipe away past tears.

"He missed us," Bilbo interrupted. He slid in close to his husband and son, wrapping an arm around Thorin and playing with some of the jewels adorning the Dwobbit. "He had quite the tantrum when I went home for just a moment and had to leave again."

"Ah," Thorin nodded in understanding. "I do not blame you Khajimel, I would cry every time Papa left me if I were not the King." Bilbo snorted,

"A likely story, Thorin Oakenshield."

"Iz otay?" Frerin asked, staring up at his taller father whilst chewing on his fingers.

"Yes dear, it is only natural to be sad when the people we love aren't with us," Bilbo interjected. "Only sometimes when we are busy we must spend a little time apart because we are responsible."

"Yes, and we never need be apart for too long, I do not think any of us could bare it," Thorin agreed before blowing a raspberry into Frerin's chubby cheeks.

"Oh Thorin! His little crown is so cute," Bilbo notices once his son stops giggling like a tiny mad person at Thorin's attentions.

"Thank you, there are crowns for him that can fit him for when he grows a little in the family treasury, but usually when a Dwarfling is as small as he is they do not have the capability of being presented yet." Thorin explains tracing his craftsmanship on Frerin's head.

Bilbo was also wearing a crown Thorin made for him, and it was his favourite one. Thorin had made a handful for him since they were married, but the first crown was always the one Bilbo chose when he had the option. Thorin made it during the long winter following the reclamation of Erebor, still recovering from injury and not having enough resources to begin rebuilding Erebor meant that Thorin had a lot of time to work at his forge. For the first crown Thorin thought long and hard about what would suit Bilbo, he also made the crown to match Bilbo's wedding ring. It was light, he knew that Hobbit skulls were not so thick as Dwarrow's and so made sure that its opulence would not be a burden, but would be as comfortable as a crown could be. It was gold, and although there were similar geometric shapes that existed in Thorin's primary crown, Bilbo's was much thinner and circled his head almost delicately. In the center of his forehead lay a single jewel- the final piece of the Arkenstone. Thorin would have been glad to have hidden the damned thing and returned it to the earth, but at Gandalf's insistence he had kept it, if only to ensure that his rule over the mountain was secure as the Arkenstone was a big part of his family's legacy.

He was uneasy though, worried about dragon sickness. It wasn't until Bilbo changed his mind and interpreted Thorin's ability to look upon the Arkenstone without succumbing to dark thoughts as his triumph over his illness. It was such a pretty thing and it did mean so much to him for so long that Bilbo thought it would be a shame to destroy it. Thorin compromised by infusing a piece of the Arkenstone with Bilbo's crown- his own way of saying that Bilbo was his strength to rule. Also it helped dissuade critics of Thorin and Biblo (what few there were). As soon as they saw Bilbo's crown they knew the little Hobbit was indeed the most powerful man in the mountain.

Thorin himself was wearing his very traditional royal garb. Dark blue dominated by heavy bronze accents in repeating chevron patterns, though his overall outfit is less heavy than when he is in his armour. The fur trim more for show than for warmth. His crown looked like a tower, with parts framing his face with onyx plating as well as four upward peaks atop his head. Overall Thorin is looking very majestic and also very dwarvish.

"Adad iz pretty!" Frerin chirps while grabbing Thorin's wrist.

"Yes dear, Adad made a very pretty crown for you." Bilbo smiles dotingly at both his son and husband.

"Thank you, Frerin, for your kind analysis."

"Your majesties, the guests have entered the throne room," Balin announces as he enters.

"Ah," Bilbo says nodding at Balin in acknowledgement before redirecting his attention to Frerin. "Now listen, Frerin. You are going to have to be very good tonight."

"I can be good!"

"Yes, of course you can," Bilbo agreed. "You will get to have lots of food but if you get grumpy someone will take you home."

"I'll be good!" Frerin didn't want to go home if Adad and Papa weren't there. He wanted the food!

"I know you will," Thorin said. "Adad and Papa have to be very important tonight so try to be quiet when we are talking, ok?" A pause. "And don't speak any of Adad's language either- not in front of any non-dwarf that isn't Papa, that's the most important rule."

"Otay!"

Adad carried him into the throne room where in his big booming "I am being a King" voice he said some things about alliances and survival and battle and anniversaries. Boring things that Frerin didn't care about so he used the opportunity to look at the crowd. Rather than the usual Dwarrow there were tall people! His family was standing above them on the throne but he could see Dwalin in the crowd and he was standing next to a man who was taller than him! THEN next to THAT man was a blonde elf who was even taller! He was glad that Adad was the one holding him or Frerin would feel impossibly small.

"…My husband King Consort Bilbo Baggins and I would like to present to you our son Prince Frerin II." Frerin! He was Frerin! And there was lots of clapping as Adad shifted him so that he was looking at the crowd. Everyone seemed happy so he clapped too!

"And now, for the feast."

Adad and Papa led everyone from the throne room to the banquet hall where hundreds of plates and utensils were laid perfectly down. Frerin could see servants waiting along the sides of the hall and he could even smell the far away roast meats and other tasty things.

Bombur would say that it was partially because of Papa that Erebor's food was the best! Papa liked a lot of different types of food that weren't typical in Dwarvish diet, but since people had been living among men for so long they brought back lots of recipes and made them better. Papa also taught Bombur recipes from the Shire which quickly became favourites in Erebor. This feast was going to be the best!

Adad and Papa stood at the front table which is where the royal family sat, beside Adad was Irak'amad (or "Auntie" as he should call her in Westron) and Fíli and Kíli. Beside them were Oin, Gloin, Auntie Imli, and cousin Gimli. Balin, Dwalin, and Ori were on Papa's side and the rest of the company sat very close to the front as well. The other people at the front must also be very important! Frerin recognized Bard and his children, he was a King! Frerin could tell by his crown. There was an elf in silver robes who had a crown that looked like branches, he must be a King too! Dain was also there, but Frerin was used to seeing Adad's cousin so he only waved in recognition.

When there were people standing at every seat Adad said,

"Let the feast begin!" He then sat down and placed Frerin in a high seat between him and Papa at the very center of the table so he could see everything. This was the perfect opportunity! He could watch a whole buncha different people eat! Once Adad and Papa sat down everyone else got to sit down because Papa told him once that a King in his own halls always had "press-i-dent."

As soon as everyone sat down, the food came in. Frerin was so excited! It smelled really good and while Papa and Adad chatted with King Bard and King Elf (there was even a Prince? Prince Legolas! Gimli kept on glaring at him) Frerin was almost distracted from his mission. It had been _so_ long since he last ate. Probably three whole hours!

The first course placed in front of him was a hearty stew. There were carrots and potatoes and venison and Frerin could SMELL the perfect way it was spiced. There was also a dinner roll that Papa opened for Frerin as Adad secured a bib on Frerin so he wouldn't mess up his pretty clothes.

Soup was easy and he was SO hungry that he immediately got to work on gnawing on the bread roll and getting down some of the stew. Papa or Adad would wipe his face of crumbs or soup every so often while they spoke with their guests.

"Trade is proceeding well, I assume?" Adad asked Bard.

"Well? I'm having to turn some caravans away, they charge too much for sub-standard product thinking because we have gold we'll settle for any old thing." The King of Dale explained.

"Ah, good. If there's one thing we should be able to count on it's quality. What about Lake Town's fish…" Frerin stopped paying attention to what Adad said and instead focused on what Bard was eating. Now that he himself had some food it was much easier to focus on everyone else.

Turns out Men don't eat as much as Hobbits OR Dwarrow! Well, some do. Waaay down the feast table he could see a few rounder Men who were already done with their soup and rolls, but for the most part the Dwarrow were eating at a much faster clip, even knowing there were more courses coming. Bard ate decently, but he was slowing down. His children also ate at different rates. Sigrid was rather demure, eating slowly and not taking in a lot of bread. Tilda ate quickly, but she was chatting with Nori, Bofur, Bifur amiably. Bain was eating a lot! Papa said he was a teenage boy and was nearing his majority (which seemed really early to Adad for some reason) and so he was growing and needed food. Tilda and Sigrid did eat a lot less than Bard and Bain though- did human ladies need less food? He had never noticed before. There weren't many Dwarf ladies in the mountain but the ones that Frerin DID know ate just as much. Dís could out-eat Adad if she wanted to!

"Well, darling, I think you have more stew on you than in you," Papa said, wiping the final bits of stew from Frerin's face.

"I' waz tasty!" Frerin replied, somewhat sad that there was no more soup in his little bowl.

"Yes, I think now is time for more. Don't you agree, Thorin?" Adad nodded and hit a knife along the metal of his mug of ale which rang a pure tone and quieted down the people around them.

"Before our next course, I would like to take this opportunity to thank everyone coming. If not for the cooperation of everyone in this room…" Again, another boring speech. Adad had to make a LOT of boring speeches and that sounded like the worst part of being King. Papa said Adad was good at it, though. Frerin couldn't care less, one day it would be Fíli's job to make speeches! Frerin was glad he wasn't the one who had to be King one day.

Once Adad finished his speech to more applause, the second course came. Mmmmm, this one smelled like meat! Frerin was right, once the servers came in with huge dishes of all kinds of meat. He could see a whole boar with an apple in its mouth, poultry, venison, beef, and other things he didn't even know! There were lots of roasted vegetables too: carrots, beets, cauliflower, parsnips, potatoes, yams, corn, cucumber, zuchini, peppers, and more! It was very colourful.

Once a new plate was put in front of Frerin Adad cut up some meat into tiny pieces. Frerin could sort of use forks but he preferred grabbing his food if he was able to, it made eating a lot more fun! Today though he was trying to use his fork like a big boy to stab at the cubes of meat and vegetables in front of him.

For this course he turned his attention to the Elves. Fíli and Kíli were talking to their red-haired Elf friend Tauriel. Frerin decided she was very pretty and a lot warmer than the other elves he saw. The King in particular seemed very distant even as he was talking with Papa, he was also drinking a LOT of wine. Frerin decided King Thranduil was Weird. He couldn't even pronounce his name! He tried, it came out like "Thwandull" and no one knew what he was talking about so they just ignored him. Frerin decided he was also weird because he was barely eating anything! He would eat only a little bit at a time and then pat his mouth with a napkin- and then drink more wine! Eating was not a chore, it was a pleasure, and Frerin didn't trust people who didn't like to eat.

"Look at him Thorin, he learned this from you."  
"Nonsense, Ghivashel, our boy just has good instincts."

Frerin decided he liked Prince Legolas though! He had spent the entire night talking with Gimli. They also seemed to be outdoing each other in every aspect, whether it was how much they ate, drank, or argued. Frerin though it was very much like the way Dwalin and Adad spoke to each other and so he had decided that they were Best Friends. Only Best Friends got to talk to each other like that! He would assume they were fighting if they didn't laugh so much.

Before he knew it another course was delivered, this time with music accompaniment. Frerin LOVED music and he really loved Dwarf music! Papa said Adad's singing was what won him over in the first time and Frerin agreed, Adad's lullabies were the best thing and made him feel SO warm and protected, it was always easy to fall asleep!

But- wait! Some of the elves weren't eating meat! Frerin had noticed something odd the last course but he hadn't quite figured it out. But this course (filled with a large variety of savoury dishes, more veggies, some fruit, and pastries) made it more apparent that some of the elves seemed to be only eating the non-meat. Were they allergic? Did they not like the taste? Impossible, meat was so tasty.

"Papa!" Frerin demanded. Papa looked away from the elf King whose stealy gaze snapped to the young Dwobbit.

"We musn't interrupt, Frerin." Bilbo said, Frerin nodded because he agreed but he NEEDED to know. King Elf would have to understand!

"Ya bu-" Frerin paused and point at some of the dark haired elves. "No eat animals?" He asked.

"Oh!" Papa exclaimed. "No sweetling, they don't. They are vegetarians, which means they never eat meat."

"Ve-ggie-tare-ian," Frerin tried out the new word. "Not Owi?"  
"No, the opposite of Ori I would say," Papa agreed.

"Your son is very curious," King Elf said to Papa.

"He is."

"He looks very much like you and Thorin," commented Thwandull.

"Oh, well, you know. Dis was more than happy to be the surrogate." Which wasn't true AT ALL, but no one out of the mountain was supposed to know how Frerin became Frerin! He didn't like that people weren't supposed to know that he was Adad's and Papa's, but so long as everyone closest to his family knew it was a-okay.

Finally the last course of dessert was served. Frerin's tummy was so so full but there was ALWAYS room for dessert! He was getting very sleepy, but he would persevere until the end!

"We got your favourite, Frerin." Adad said. That meant…

"Cheesecake?" Frerin asked excitedly. Drizzled with blackberry syrup with a moist crust? Yay!

"Yes, only the best for my son," Thorin proclaimed proudly. Papa rolled his eyes but smiled anyways.

When the dessert came Frerin stuffed a spoonful into his face right away and mmmm, just as tasty as he remembered! He was sort of sad, because he had been paying so much attention to what other people were eating he hadn't been enjoying his own food as much as he could have! No more! Dessert was Frerin's time. Smacking around the soft cake in his mouth and washing it down with cold milk from his non-spilling cup was the best time he had had all day.

But he was getting very sleepy, and as the people around him drank more they seemed to be getting louder and louder which made him grumpy as his eyes tried to close but he couldn't as every time Dain's loud laugh or the sound of a harp in the distance startled him awake. Noticing this, Bilbo shared a look with Thorin who nodded and stood.

"As this is a banquet in celebration of my son, I'm afraid our little Prince is quite tired now and we must retire. Still, stay as long as you like, there will be plenty of drink and more food if required. On behalf of Prince Frerin and my family, I bid you good-night."

Papa removed Frerin's bib while Adad picked him up and lifted him to the King's shoulder. By sleepy instinct Frerin wrapped his arms and legs loosely around his father though he knew Adad would never drop him. Papa and Adad then left the banquet hall to the sound of even more applause (why did everyone like clapping so much?) and made their way home. The halls were quiet unlike earlier, and only the steps of the guards and Papa and Adad talking to each other broke the silence. Frerin dozed the entire way back but woke once they entered their quarters.

"Buh wai'!" Frerin shouted sleepily. "Jouwnal!"

"Journal?" Bilbo asked, confused. He would fill out his journal, but not until he and Thorin had put their baby to bed.

"Noooo, I haff ta fill out my jouwnal!" Frerin protested. "Else fowget"

"You mean your scroll, Khajimel?" Adad asked, Frerin nodded enthusiastically. "Ok, fill out your journal and then bedtime."  
"Otay!" Adad let him down at his play area at the toddler-sized desk where his scroll which he had started lay still. Taking another crayon he began his entry:

* * *

"The Eating Habits Of the People Of Middle Earth:

Observations by Middle Earth's Only Dwobbit, Prince Frerin"

Third Age 2949 Autumn

Dear Journal,

Today I have learned many things about the people around me. I have noticed that even within one race there can be many different ways people can eat! I have learned that Men and Elves do NOT eat more than Dwarrow and Hobbits, though bigger Men can catch up. Ladies appear to eat less compared to their male counterparts but more evidence is needed to come to a conclusion.

Elves, although pretty, do not eat much and therefore it is questionable whether they should be trusted. Adad approves of this observation but Papa does not, so again, more evidence is needed.

As for Dwarrow, it turns out that Dwalin actually likes vegetables! I saw him eat all the greens that Ori would not eat, though Ori seemed to try more vegetables than before and seemed to like a lot! Not any of the green stuff, but the other things. Balin also ended up moving seats to sit next to Dori and they drank a lot together which means that Dori is going to be very boring since Balin will probably visit more when Dori babysits.

As a final point, Dear Journal, I must confess that although all of this is very interesting I have come to a conclusion. It doesn't matter how other people eat because ultimately me enjoying my food is the MOST important thing in the whole wide world. I know I would feel different if Papa didn't also eat this way, but so long as Adad keeps us company I am perfectly fine. Life is too short to not enjoy eating yummy foods! Maybe that's why Elves don't eat as much? They live too long? Oh well!

Good night, Journal.

Love,

Prince Frerin II, Son of Thorin II Oakenshield and Bilbo Baggins, Dwobbit Under the Mountain.

* * *

"Oh Khajimel, that is a very impressive purple unicorn fighting a giant," Thorin commented.  
"Indeed, I really like your use of colour sweetling. But now it's time for bed!"

Frerin slumped, looking at his journal.

One day his parents would understand, and one day he'd learn how to write!


End file.
